I was reminded today by a beautiful young woman about this. I had forgotten, or perhaps I remembered. I guess it does not matter.
The moment I hit the keys, rain began. It is beautiful. I want to run and kiss someone in it. Make me believe in a God once again.
Can you imagine it? The rain. The soft patter on the rough. The wind rushing through the trees. Lightening crackling. Close your eyes, you could see it. It is getting hard, the drops are now fists. Yet I’d be happy to be hit by these soft water fists.
My friend, my oldest friend leaves tomorrow. He leaves to Thailand. I guess I am writing now for him. He was the only one that knew about this blog. He was the only one that would read it. He was the only one that would ask me why I stopped writing. I guess he showed that he cared. You do not see that often. People will always say they want to read, but few do. They skim, skim over memories worth gold to me yet to them they are nothing.
The rain has softened again.
Sometime ago, when I still felt the righteousness of a God in my life. I decided with my friend to serve Him. I tried. I fought until blood replaced tears. Yet my friend and I, we fought together. I gave him strength, and he gave me his. We had a goal, an eternal goal if you will. He always considered me the strong one, for I fared better than he did in the initial battles.
Now look at the two of us. He won his fight, and I started a different war. He will serve, and he will find joy. I found suffering, and yet we shall both grow the same. I cannot express how much I miss him. He will return of course. Time is fleeting and both subjective to the perspective of the beholder. Time will soon end, and I will see him again. That does not worry me. What worries me is how things will change. Change will happen. I just wish it wouldn’t I suppose.
Its still raining. Softly, but steady. I can feel sound filling me. Its a nice like tonight that I would wish I had someone to hold. It’s been a long time since I have had that.
My friend asks me, if my decision to change myself made me happier. I said no, he then said, then why would you change? Because of truth I said. Because I could not revoke what I knew to be truth. He then asked, what was my truth. I told him that my truth was my guiding force, my will, my life, it constantly adapted by experience. If something is true, then I say it will conquer, truth will always conquer. Then, he says, was what you knew as truth before a lie? No, I say. Knowing what I then knew now, my truth was changed. My truth could not reject the obvious things before me.
He says, do you think that what I am doing, by serving a God, that I am wrong? I say no, because what you are doing is truth for you. If I know anything, I say, is that truth is completely subjective to the people that define it. You have your truth, and you will be guided by it. You hold your truth so strongly that you want to change peoples lives with it. ALl that matters is that you truth.
Ha ha. Good luck following whatever the fuck I just wrote. On another note, fuck is a fantastic word. You could use it for almost anything and be okay.
It is still raining. I will sleep well tonight.
Good day my friend.
– Jose Alejandro